Admittedly I was a bit stumbled when writing this entry, to be 100% transparent I’m not much of a drinker. I don’t drink, because I can and those who understand that don’t need further explanation. Yet I felt it was only right to take in an ice-cold lager to bring in the weekend and to make this more relevant. 

Beer, wine, alcohol in general, is consumed in almost every single culture on Earth. All for different reasons: for religious practices it was offered as a libation and would accompany the deceased on their final journey. We use it to celebrate achieving goals, to give thanks, and most widely, to top off the end of a long work week and relax into the weekend. 

Beer, wine and alcohol in general is consumed in almost every single culture on earth, All for different reasons…

 

In 2003 I moved to Pennsylvania and directly after unloading the U-Haul I went to the local convenience store to get a six-pack when I noticed none of the coolers had alcohol in them. I simply thought maybe it was because the store was small and there was no room. I needed to go to a larger store I thought. After locating a second, bigger store I walked in, go to the coolers and to my surprise, NO ALCOHOL!  “WTF?” I said to myself. I find the store clerk and ask “Where’s the beer?”  “You’re not from around here are you?” Asks the clerk. “No, West Virginia,” I replied.  “Pennsylvania is a semi-dry state, you have to go to a state store or bar for alcohol,” she told me. Standing there confused I stupidly asked “What’s a state store?”

Standing there confused I stupidly asked “What’s a state store?”

 

Growing up in West Virginia alcohol is everywhere. Gas stations, corner stores, grocery stores, mom & pop stores I mean you couldn’t escape it. So the introduction of a semi-dry state was an on-the-spot educational experience, 9:30pm on a random Friday not many, if any, “State stores” were open to my knowledge so I found a watering hole called The Blue Moon. I came from Bud Light and Budweiser, so relocating to a new state and trying the local taps seemed like it was a fun idea. Now, I had never heard of Yuengling, but that night it was .75-cent Yuengling pitcher night. “I’ll take a pitcher,” I shouted over to the bartender. Sitting at my table taking in the strobes of neon blue lights and the sounds of 90s alternative rock the bartender made her way to my table and slapped the pitcher down and said “Enjoy!” 

I remember taking the first drink. It was sweet, crisp, light, I thought. It went down easy. I thought for .75-cents it must have been a cheap, low quality tap the bar owners wanted to get rid of. The 1st pitcher didn’t do much, so I ordered a second. Now, any wise person will tell you it’s foolish to walk into any situation with a  bravado attitude, but I came from a loooong line of drink champs so this Yuengling was nothing to me. Besides, whoever heard of this shit?

After 2.5 pitchers in and me getting to know all my newest surrounding best friends not only did I realize I made a mistake but I realized I couldn’t feel my face. I realized in that moment that was the second time in my life I had ever been that drunk. What my new best friends didn’t tell me was Yuengling is a creeper beer. You can be drinking it and you won’t know exactly when you got so damn drunk! 

Full disclosure I don’t recall how I got home but I’m certain I was driven because I have never supported drinking and driving so I at least know I wouldn’t have put myself in that situation. Here’s where it gets interesting because my only other memory is standing in our hallway totally naked pissing on a pile of laundry and my daughter’s mother walking out of the bedroom whisper-shouting for me to get back in the room. I wanted to go back to this Blue Moon and party with my new friends but my girlfriend told me I wasn’t allowed. She gets me in the room and told me to go to sleep but I walked to the window and desperately yelled “HEEEELLLLPPP” at the top of my lungs. She tells me to “shut up” because it’s 3am and I’m going to wake everyone up. So I then whispered for help until she drug me away from the window. In protest I laid on the bedroom floor (I think I’m a funny drunk) and asked her why I was being held hostage. I eventually went to sleep and the next day she told me everything that happened and told me I was never allowed to drink that Yuengling shit again. 

She gets me in the room and told me to go to sleep but I walked to the window and desperately yelled “HEEEELLLLPPP” at the top of my lungs.

 

There’s no dramatic conclusion, that’s the end of the story. Having a healthy relationship with anything you consume is very important. Message! As a journalist I believe I would fail in my duty to leave you with a vital piece of information that could potentially save your day after drinking: According to an article on Healthline, having at least one 16-ounce glass of water with every 12-ounce beer or 4 to 6 ounces of liquor can replenish your fluids and help you stay hydrated and prevent hangovers. 

Drink on! 

  Rob

*No beers were harmed during recreation of this brewsday night.

If you have a cool, crazy story that you would love to have featured on our Brew Tales page please reach out to us at AllCraftsWelcome@gmail.com names can be changed to protect the innocent.

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